Midsouth was the catalyst for my decision to retire Flo. I was stressed on Saturday. I felt like I had a LOT of balls I had to juggle between horses and people and I let it get to me. My dressage warm ups on both Flo and River were unforgiving and tense. I went into XC warm up on Flo worried that I would overheat and be tired riding River XC later in the day. I could feel Flo's nerves bubbling underneath the surface but she was jumping well so I didn't express any concern about it to Amy. Flo and I know each other well enough that she could feel my worry and concern and related it to the task at hand. I wasn't overly worried about the XC course, but she didn't know that. I had a good ride to the first fence and I was surprised when she stopped. She planted her feet in right in the middle of the fence. As we turned away and I was getting my reins sorted out, I dropped my whip. We came back at the fence and jumped it well. After fence #2, Flo ran away from the fence like a scalded rabbit. I know this mare. I know when she runs like that she is not rational. She jumped #3 scared and fast. I tried to steady and calm her before fence #4, but I knew that I didn't have her back in time. She stopped and on re-approach she stopped again. Flo rarely stops at a fence twice. I knew her mind wasn't in the game and the next fence was the biggest Training fence on the course. I held my hand up and retired. Flo and I walked off the XC course as a team for the last time. I was a wreck for the rest of the day.
That night at my birthday dinner, one of my guests asked how my weekend was going. I told her about my disappointing XC with Flo. I described to her how she was very inconsistent and took a very specific ride both physically and mentally to have a successful round. She said that she had a student with a pony exactly like Flo, and expressed how frustrating it was that the student's parents wouldn't buy her a pony that was more forgiving. "There are just too many good horses out there, as my mother always says." I knew then that it was time to call it quits for good. It took someone totally outside of my realm of influence to hear it from. The Monday after Midsouth I flew to CA to visit my family. Some time away gave me the clarity to confirm my decision. Coming home to TN, my mind was made up.
I told my farrier of my decisions with Pom Pom and Flo and he looked at me with kindness in his eyes and said, "You're making some big girl decisions, Megan. I think you're doing the right thing." I could have hugged him. Could someone else have ridden Flo and gotten a clear round out of her consistently? Maybe so. The fact of the matter is she's MY horse. I rode her to the best of my ability and wish I could have given her more. Do I think it's best for someone else to try and force her into being an event horse when she has already shown she doesn't love it? No. It takes more than 'chemistry' between rider and horse to create a successful result. It takes training and skill and experience and WANT TO. She doesn't want to and that's OK with me. Flo is wonderful just the way she is. She has taught me so much about being a horse mom and eventing and life. After I came home from CA, I pulled her shoes and she is having some time off.
Reflecting now on our eventing career coming to a close, I do so with tears and pain, and terrible, terrible sadness. I know she's still with me, but melodramatic as it is, I feel like part of me has died and I mourn the loss of it. I'm not sure what her future holds, but in the mean time she will be loved and cared for by her best friend.
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| She'll always be my favorite, the one who taught me the most. |
Megan, even though it might not feel like it now, from an outsider's perspective.....I would say that I view your tough decision as a more successful action than if you had written that you all had breezed around and finished first. Winning is the easy part of the journey, but when things aren't going well, that's where true love and character stands to rise to the top. Sometimes, success in life doesn't always come in a pretty package. You did a very smart and mature thing, and not everyone can or would have been able to do that. Props to you for being a better horsewoman for your difficult steps. As I always tell my eventer friend, Amy (in Florida), "It's all about peaks and valleys. Your time on the mountaintop is sure to come."
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